Pandemic Religion: A Digital Archive

My experience

I am a 22 year old college student. I grew up in the Methodist church in Lisbon Ohio. I was baptized there. I have always believed and god and I higher power. I stopped going to church after my favorite reverend quit. I recently have moved to South Carolina to live with my boyfriend and go to law school. I woke up in the middle of the night one night right when corona started in fear. I believe my dream had something to do with me dying of the Coronavirus. I was shaking so bad in my legs that it woke my boyfriend up. I told him I had a dream I died of the virus and he told me I was crazy. Then I got this fear of dying. I wondered about after life and god. I stayed up most night worrying and when I did sleep I woke up in panic attacks. I convinced my family to drive down and pick me up. (I was too afraid to tell them about my fears in fear of them making fun of me). I had been up for a couple days at the time I told my mother about it. She told me how she’s had spiritual experiences when her mother passed and that she believes in god. I never really talked with her about it before. That night I went upstairs and (I know this sounds crazy) this doll my grandma gave me before she died was on a table outside of my bedroom. It was strange because I haven’t seen it in forever. I had even been sleeping in my room the time I had been there and haven’t seen it. I felt an overwhelming sense of comfort. I later started to have many questions about god and religion. My dad has always been religious because as a kid they had evil spirits in his house that would mess with him and his siblings. My moms side of the family has always discredited him because his father abused all his siblings and even my grandmother. They thought maybe the sprit was his dad and he was thinking it was a demon. He mentions this demon would shake his bed and he would call out the name of the lord and it would stop and run away scared. I don’t think he was lying. I never had. I believed he experienced it. Why would my dad lie? What would he gain from it? I talked more to my dad about god and religion and I felt more comfortable. I forgot to mention but while I was having my doubts I kept seeing the number 116. I looked this number up forever ago and it was an angel number. It means I will succeed and what I work for will become my reality. I told my dad about it and he said it’s a sign from god. I would be watching a TikTok trying to calm myself down and I would see the number or I’d be having a panic attack and see the number playing a game. I went up to visit my sister (we have all been in quarantine) and I told her about my experience and she told me she didn’t believe in anything. We were molested as children and I am not sure but I think her belief come from the pain she has endured. I had another panic attack. My boyfriends aunt is religious and weird enough the next day she invited me to her church video thing on Facebook (I’m not sure what to call it lol). I thought well that’s weird she has never done it before. So I watched it and weird enough it was about what I was stressing over. I watched it and I had more and more questions. I talked to my dad over FaceTime and he explained stuff to me. My aunts whole family never really believed in god or any higher power. A best friend of mine amber moved to North Carolina our senior year and I know she had become one with god. None of my friends other than her really believe in god or have ever been religious. I talked to her for a bit and she told me all the signs I was getting were from god and were comforting me. She said coincidences don’t happen. Every time I had my doubts and I mean every time I would see 116. She has had a very spiritual experience which brought a lot of comfort to me. I had a lot of questions about afterlife and heaven. My dad randomly sent me this video on near death experiences and all of them had a spiritual experience. The comments had a woman who said she was an atheist all of her life and she had some coincidences that made her believe. I didn’t get through all of the video as I had school work to do. But my dad came in from work and said it was weird... the video he randomly found YouTube. He didn’t search it up or anything. It was suggested to him. This was on his work computer and he was just looking up politics with the Coronavirus. I took this as a sign. I told dad that was insane because it was EXACTLY what I was worried about the night before. I hadn’t even talked to him about that. Since I have had my doubts I’ve also had signs from god and I truly believe they are signs. I never really had these experiences before other than when I told my mom about me being molested I had sleep paralysis the night before. It was a yellowish figure came and grabbed my hand and held it. I woke up the next day to tell my dad about it and he said it was my guardian angel comforting me about something. Later that night is when I told my mom. I don’t believe in coincidences and I really hope my narrative makes sense to you. But God is really here. I’ve been nicer and more helpful. I’ve been praying more and praying for other people and outcomes. My fears are gone. My doubts have went away. My anxiety isn’t there anymore. I believe I was sent to this page just to share my experiences. I feel like the Coronavirus has showed us what’s really important family, life, and god.

April 29, 2020